I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
