Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
