So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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