So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
