There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
