Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
