I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
