That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize