Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
