At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize