ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
