she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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