TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
