Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
