My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
