Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So much Jack, so little girl.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
