call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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