i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
