i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
