im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
