First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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