Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
