Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
