Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
