Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
