I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize