So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
