when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
