So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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