I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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