there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
