i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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