I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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