god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
