thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
