singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
