I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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