Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize