Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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