so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
