The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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