I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
