Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
