Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize