ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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