I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
