Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
