I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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