my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
