when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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