For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
