Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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