Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
