Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
