I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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