dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
