pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
