Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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