In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
40s are totally the cure
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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