I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Girls should come with a carfax report
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
