I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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