no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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