so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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