my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
