Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
