I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
