she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
