i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
