You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
